Walking On Glass
by WP
Summary: Willow is thinking after conversation's with dead people. Eventually her and Xander have a chat.


AN: ok, this is a little strange fic. Post conversations with dead people. It's just some Will/Xander talk. although the first part is willow's thoughts thats why its kinda weird and confusing i guess. let me no what u think.  
  
  
Metal. It sounds silver.   
  
Its all around us. Part of everything in our life's even our body, our blood.   
  
So, someone heats it, bends it, and suddenly its a fatal weapon.  
  
I guess everything is a fatal weapon with these useless vessels.  
  
Lack of oxygen: we die.  
  
Too much H2O: we die.  
  
Too little H2O: we die.  
  
But it all comes back to metal.  
  
It poisons us, it stabs, impales, slices, decapitates.  
  
All led to death.  
  
Death sounds black.  
  
Black and Silver.  
  
Soulmates.  
  
Willow and Tara.  
  
Incomplete.  
  
But we could be complete.  
  
If I use the crafted element thats mocking me with its shine.  
  
Tara's hair had an incredible shine, just like her aura.  
  
I could be with her right now... If I hadn't of killed and hurt and blackened.  
  
Metal...   
  
Colors...  
  
It's always colors.  
  
Silver: Her jewelery.  
  
Black: The one thing she wasn't.  
  
Yellow: Her favourite shirt.  
  
Purple: The color of the candle I gave her.  
  
Then Red.  
  
Red: Spike's name for me. My hair color. My escape route.  
  
Also the color of the sticky liquid that squirted from her heart to my shirt.   
  
If I let that color drain from me, it's over.  
  
But its never so simple, so plain, so white.  
  
I can let go, give in and end up back in the gaping hole that is my soul.  
  
I know Heaven and Hell are real. Something I've always known.   
  
I was always heading for Heaven.   
  
Then I killed.   
  
I am evil.   
  
I was.   
  
Am.   
  
Tenses mean nothing.   
  
You don't reverse evil doing.   
  
I'm going to hell.   
  
I'm also a coward.   
  
I can't get rid of the red from my once black veins.  
  
I'm too scared.   
  
I'm scared of a lot.   
  
Evil, Robots, Spiders, Hell, Being alone, Myself.  
  
Quite ironic really.   
  
The blade isn't really that sharp.   
  
I wonder how much it would hurt to cut threw skin.   
  
I skined him alive.   
  
Sometimes I wonder how all his muscles didn't fall off too.   
  
Then I remember my biology classes with the human preying mantis.   
  
She was a good teacher apart from the mating with students then biting there heads off.   
  
No worse than me really.  
  
But its who she was.  
  
Maybe scary veiny Willow is who I am.  
  
********  
  
"Willow? Put the knife down." Xander said in alarm.  
  
Willow snorted but continued to play with the knife. "Black, It's me but its not now."  
  
Xander slowly approached his best friend.  
  
"Will, whats happened?"  
  
"You don't remember?"  
  
Xander sighed and took a seat next to Willow at the breakfast bar. "I thought you had dealt with this."  
  
Willow looked at him in complete disgust. "Dealt with it? How can I DEAL with Killing! With losing Her!?"  
  
"Will-"  
  
"No! You have no idea! You all think its ok. That it's in the past so its gone! It's never gone! The darkness. The hole. Always there!"  
  
Xander was increasingly unerved by an emotional, knife weelding Willow.  
  
"Will, Give me the knife and we can talk."  
  
Willow stood up. "You're still afraid of me, of what I can do? Why are we all so afraid of simple things, huh Xander?"  
  
Willow ran the blade down the palm of her hand and held it up letting the blood drip down her arm.   
  
"Why are we all so afraid of this? It's nothing. It's a thing. A useless, pointless thing. Why can't I let it run free?" She shouted at him.  
  
Xander was horrified, "Will, stop it! You know why you can't 'let it run free'? cause you'll die!"  
  
"No Xander I won't." She argued.  
  
"Yes! You will. It's kinda the drawback of being human."  
  
"I was above death and pain, Xander! Does that mean I'm not human?!"  
  
Xander's mind was racing. What was wrong with his Will? He had to do something before she went to far. As if slicing her hand open wasn't far enough.  
  
He rabbed the knife from her and threw it into the corner of the kitchen before inspecting her hand.  
  
"Come on, we'll fix you up." He said sadly.  
  
Willow shook her head. "You can't fix me."  
  
"I can't Willow. But I can be here for you and I can try and help you heal." He said as seriously as the day he talked her out of destroying the world.  
  
Willow stopped and put her fore arms on Xander's chest. "Why am I such a coward, Xand, I deserve it."  
  
Xander looked deep into his best friend's eyes. So much hurt and confusion.  
  
"What do you deserve?"  
  
"To go there! I... I done all those things and nothing will ever change that and now I cant ever be with or just end it cause I'm too scared!" Willow rammbled.  
  
Xander took Willow's face in his hands. He couldn't believe what she was saying. "Willow Rosenburg, stop it. Do you know where this world would be if it wasn't for you? It'd be drowned in demons, 'planet of the apes' style. You screwed up, ONCE. That doesn't wipe out everything good you've done and will do. You are the kindest souled person I've ever known, Will. You've got you're own 2000 acres of heaven. No hell, No badness, No torture." He told her sternly.  
  
The childhood friends shared the same intense look and wet cheeks.   
  
Willow broke the silence, "You'd be Charlton Hestin or Mark Wahlberg?"  
  
Xander let out a goofy laugh and pulled Willow in for a bearhug. "Charlton Hestin, obviously. Marky mark so isn't me. My snoopy dance puts him to shame."  
  
Willow smiled as she rested her head on Xander's shoulder. "I love you, Xand."  
  
"I love you too, Will. And don't forget it."  
  
*******  
  
The peaceful spirit snorted with laughter.   
  
'You can always rely on Xander in times of suicide and fear... Marky Mark..." She began laughing again.  
  
"Tara?" A woman called.  
  
Tara stopped her giggling, "Coming, mom!"  
  
Joing her mother she linked arms with her.   
  
"How's Willow?"  
  
"I think she's gonna be ok." Tara said with a genuine hope in her heart. 


End file.
